I've Chosen Walls

It never fails.  Her words catch me and incise my heart.  I'm weeping before I know what happen.  She's talking about my life, right, otherwise this wouldn't chisel away at the hidden pain and reduce me to rubble.

I'm asking myself the same thing Ann Voskamp asked herself a few years ago.    "Do I count the times I have chosen to stare out at the obstacles, chosen obstructions, as my spiritual landscape?"

8 months into this year of New.  So many new things have already happen.  So many things still just the same.  The same because I chose walls.  I chose to look at the obstacles and believe that they win. The view looks impossible.  "But as it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those the love Him."

  My heart shattered for "Jake" the motherless and fatherless child in China.

No money. A house already bursting at the seams. No medical insurance. My enduring failure to be the woman, wife, mother that I want to be.

Still no sponsorship of any of the millions of needy children in the world.  Struggling between each paycheck yet living a life so full of indulgence. Shame. Guilt.


Walls, created and chosen by me, lying about my view.  5 months left to choose my view.  5 months for the Lord remove this heart of stone and replace it with His heart.

"Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."    Ezekial 36:26

P.S,  If you are interested in more information about adopting "Jake" please send me an email and I'll put you in touch with the right people.